Ever since I was young, I struggled with negative thoughts. These negative thoughts can be a variety of thoughts. But for me, they were not the kind of thoughts towards other people, but towards myself. These thoughts consumed me. They took me down to my lowest. I have hit rock bottom MANY times. There were many factors that triggered these thoughts but I am not going to focus on them right now. Instead, I want to focus on how I overcame theses negative, nasty, life-controlling and life-threatening thoughts.
"You are stupid," I told myself. "Nobody loves you. Nobody likes you. Just kill yourself," I always thought. "You will never fit in. You will NEVER amount to anything. No one will EVER marry this piece of junk. I WANT TO DIE!"
These are just a few thoughts that consumed me every day since I could remember. There was a bully inside me I didn't know how to control, Satan. I was so hurt, so alone and so isolated. High school was my HELL on earth!
I was to the point of attempting suicide. That is correct. Only by God's grace and mercy am I sitting here typing this now. During every self-harming and self-ending attempt, my loving LORD and Savior was there. But let me say, while we are saved, God still allows us to make our own decisions in life. He doesn't want to make us do what he wants, He wants us to choose to love and follow Him. We all have a free will. It just comes down to what we do with it.
Now the thoughts I was having were NOT from the LORD! Let me say that again. THE THOUGHTS I WAS HAVING WERE NOT FROM THE LORD! I can not stress that enough! Because God is LOVE!
"For I know the thoughts that I think towards you," says the LORD, "thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the thoughts that I think towards you," says the LORD, "thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11
You see, I gave in to the devil's lies! For many years the devil had tried and continues to try to break me and destroy me. BUT the LORD has fought and won my battles agents Satan. When I was saved, God gave me the gift of the Holy Spirit, Who also helped me by giving me insight on choices and their circumstances.
"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5
"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us." Romans 5:3-5
To be completely honest, even after being married and having kids, I still struggle. To this day, I get nasty thoughts about myself because the devil knows that it is my weakness. Every time I go through a hard time or I'm hurt or betrayed, these thoughts come back. But over the past few years, the LORD has been equipping me and showing me that with Him I have power over my negative thoughts.
"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
AND here is the best part. You can take those thoughts captive and destroy them on the spot! To top it all off, it is so simple! Whenever you start to feel depressed and/or these thoughts start coming, choose to go through these 4 steps:
1) Go to the SPA. Stop, Pray and Ask for help. Ask God to take a hold of those thoughts and to show you His truths.
2) Start counting your blessings. This changes focus from negative thoughts to things you are grateful for.
3) Read God's Holy Word. Search the scriptures for the truths you asked God to show you.
4) And start praising God! Because He is love and will never leave you or forsake you.
"Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be consistent in prayer." Romans 12:12
When God is the center of your thoughts, instead or yourself, you have the power over Satan! Do not let anyone tell you differently!
For years I have never talked about this. My "dirty little secret" so to say. I have always kept everything locked up. I was so ashamed. But the Lord has put this on my heart to share and I believe it can be used to help some of you that may be going through the pain and suffering I went through. I want you to know that YOU ARE LOVED!!!! There is a God that is just waiting for you to fall into His arms and love you! Jesus came to this earth to suffer and die for you so you could feel and have the love of God.
"God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever shall believe in Him shall not parish but have everlasting life." John 3:16
You may think (like I did) that if you are gone no one will miss you. Or life for everyone else will be better if you were gone. These are lies from Satan and nothing else! If you are having these negative thoughts, think about your family, your future husband or wife, your future children, anybody who loves you, God who loves you. And think about the people you can help down the road by loving them and sharing how you overcame your inner bully. God has a great plan for your life. Trust me. And trust Him.
"May the God of hope fill you with all hope in believing so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." Romans 15:13
Please, please, PLEASE talk to someone for help! Whether it be someone you know, your church or through a hotline like Christian Suicide Prevention
888-667-5947
Stop letting your inner bully control you! And start trusting in the One who holds your heart!
YOU ARE LOVED!!!
Please feel free to email me if email me if you have any questions comments or concerns at overcomebrokenness@outlook.com
